I went to visit my grandpa in the hospital this past weekend (he is still getting better, slowly but surely). While I was there one of the (male) nurses, who my mom knows very well (they are both christians [he is also a pastor], and they talk about that alot), came in and started talking to me. Just stuff like where do you live, what kind of work do you do…. Basic getting to know you stuff.
Then he asked if I was married, I said no. He then asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no to that too. He said “Why is a beautiful girl like you single?” Ok first, thanks for the complement; but what right do you have to tell me that I’m pretty, so it wasn’t right to be single? (he didn’t say that, but it was implied)
So that ticked me off a little, but my mom had nothing but good things to say about him, so I just shrugged it off. I figured that he must be happily married, so he thinks that the rest of the world should be married too. To each his own.
Later in the day we were talking, and he was asking questions that were obviously meant to find out what was “wrong” with me that I wasn’t in a relationship. He then asked the question I always dread: “you go to church?” To which I replied NO. It was if I had just told him I was from mars or something! He started bombarding me with questions about why, and asked me why I had turned my back on god. He assumed that I was angry at god, and that was the reason I didn’t go to church.
I was there with my mom (who doesn’t know I’m pagan) so I was being very careful about what I said. I told him (with a smile on my face) that christianity wasn’t for me, and that I had no intention of ever going back. He then went on and on about “god loves you” and “it’s not right to be mad at god”. To which I replied that I wasn’t mad at god. How can I be mad at someone I don’t think exists? That’s like saying “I don’t believe in aliens, but they make me mad”. How can you be mad at something you don’t believe in? You can be mad at the people that believe what you don’t, but you can’t be mad at the thing you don’t believe in, right?
After several minutes of more questions (that I answered politely, with a smile on my face) he finally left. I went back to reading my book (a harry potter book, by the way 😛 ), and avoided looking at my mother, who I’m sure had a look of “isn’t that what I’ve been telling you” on her face.
Some time later he came back in to check on my grandpa, and proclaimed that he now understood why I was angry at god (did I say I wasn’t?). He said that he had lost love ones too, and that my anger was understandable (again, not angry!). My mom must have pulled him aside and told him that I lost my dad when I was younger (he died when I was 11), and that was the reason I didn’t go to chruch anymore. While I did go through a phase of hating god (still went to chruch and considered myself a christian at that point) that was MANY years ago, and was shortly after my dad died, so I was still grieving. And while I guess that did start me on this path I’m on, it really has nothing to do with the choices I make now.
I’m angry about this. It’s the behaviour I’ve grown up with. Christians tend to think that the rest of the world needs to be “converted”. I know what christianity is, and I’ve chosen to go another way. I like who I am now, and my religion is a big part of that. I have no problem with anyone choosing a different religion from mine, I don’t want someone to lecture me about their religion, so I won’t lecture anyone about theirs.
He ended with the wonderful christian catch all “I’ll pray for you”. I DON’T WANT YOU TO PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!! There is nothing your prayers will “fix”. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!
I just wanted to slap him. He was nice and everything, but he was that passive kind of aggressive. That “I know what’s good for you, even if you don’t” kind of thinking. They (meaning people like him and my mom) have this idea that there is no “true” religion other then christianity. And people that choose something else either don’t know better or they are mad at god.
I’ve been fuming about this since it happened. Now I feel like I have to protect myself against all the “extra” prayers that are coming my way. Even though I don’t believe in god, I believe in the power of thought, and the power of the spoken word. So I know that even though “god” isn’t listening, that energy is still carried to the intended “target”, aka: me.
I don’t know how I’ll handle this if that nurse is on again this weekend. He’ll probably start right back up. And I don’t want my negative feelings to affect my grandpa. But other that “coming out of the broom closet” and telling both him and my mom that I’m pagan (I’m not sure that that would even help), how should I handle it?
Ok, I’m going to go cleanse these negative thoughts out of my head. Thanks for listening.